BUSY CITY STREET CORNER SOUND EFFECTS.
ZIG: Hello, Zig Montague reporter live at the Pentagon.
The Earth Alien menace has finally roused our alert military. Here to discuss this pressing situation is General March.
General, what are you going to do? The problem is getting so widespread. Are you going to call out the reserves?
GENERAL: The reserves are probably full of Earth Aliens.
ZIG: What?
GENERAL: That's how bad it is. We've let this thing go too far.
ZIG: Then it's hopeless?
GENERAL: Hopeless? No. Nothing a little military genius can't solve, now that we know what we're up against.
ZIG: So what's the plan? What do I tell the anxious earthling public?
GENERAL: The solution is we partition the world into 2 sections. Non-smoking and smoking.
ZIG: What'll that do???
GENERAL: Obviously it'll separate Earthling from Earth Alien. We'll put all the pollution sources in one section and non-polluting in another. Where do you think the aliens will all go? The aliens need toxic air like on the planet they came from to breathe.
ZIG: Then what?
GENERAL: Then we know where they are, who they are. We wipe 'em off the face of the earth. Obviously we won't be using chemical weapons.
ZIG: Ha! It's good we can still keep a sense of humor about this. Chemical weapons against them would be like trying to take out a playground full of earthlings with ice cream.
Well General, it looks good on paper.
GENERAL: You got a better plan?
ZIG: No. No.
ANNOUNCER: (Environmental Organization Name)
